m&m’s – Pamela Klier-Weidner (PKW)

***WARNING: This blog post includes potentially unpleasant graphic images which will only take place in one’s mind, and that may be upsetting to anyone with an imagination or cognitive thought process. This post also includes expletives, but not ass-hat, shit-breath or bastard-beefcake.

Reader discretion is advised.

A few hours ago, my daughters heard me scream, “FUCK!” I think that’s maybe the fifth or sixth time in their lives they’ve heard me say that word. (Okay, maybe the seventh.) After a few deep breaths, I apologized to them in a swift and sincere manner. It was clear that they understood why I passionately stated that particular expletive, and accepted my apology with deep love and empathy. Then, they asked for m&m’s which was easier for me to provide for them than the two ponies I was considering. Continue reading “The Last Leak that Caused the Flood and Muddied but Never Cracked the Foundation”

Disclaimer: This post is about feelings more than it is about facts.

FACT: I stopped being capable of feeling my feelings and it nearly broke my heart.

Every so often, when I read other people’s writing and they spew about their feelings, I think, “This feels like masturbation that’s been typed out.” (Yes, I know that’s judgmental, but while I periodically judge, I also quite enjoy these emotive posts.) If you think that’s what I’m doing in my posts, well… I hope you don’t think I’m doing this in my posts. I don’t really write for me, I write for you. I’d rather think of my writing as a way to engage with you and if you’re struggling to get past something, or think you’re the only one who thinks or feels a certain way, you’re not. If anything resonates with you and gives you some hope or less aloneness, this has purpose.

On a side note, masturbation also has its purpose, but I’m not going to get into that right now.

Earlier this year, the shackles which “guarded” my heart for many decades, flew open. Continue reading “A Closed Heart is Heartbreaking, but it Melts.”